Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Selfless VS Selfish

Selfless Love VS Selfish Love.
It’s been a busy couple of days and I’ve been contemplating what my next blog will portray about my life.  Since I do an awful lot of driving.. it almost comes hand in hand with an awful lot of thinking. I found myself thinking about the kids I work with (typical...) and how I wish that I could just snap my fingers and they would be able to live a “normal” life.  But, it’s not that easy... and if it was that easy, I wouldn’t have a J-O-B. However, another thing that I am learning from these kids is love, and how they really don’t understand the true meaning. Now don’t get me wrong, not that they don’t understand what love is.. but most of these kids were never taught what “Love” is, otherwise they wouldn’t be where they are now. Then of course, I started pondering about myself and wondering about my own love, and if I really know what it truly means to me anymore.  
I don’t like being selfish-- not with people I know, people I work with, people I “love”, and not with strangers. I may feel good in the moment when I look out for myself, but I have a terrible guilty conscious when I ignore someone else’s needs and favors for my own.  I really think the world is more of an enjoyable place when I treat people with consideration.  I tend to like myself better when I fight my instinct to fight (here is where my patience should set it!).  I realize that I AM a better person when I challenge my urge for instant gratification, but sometimes it’s too damn hard to just be selfless.  Especially now.  
Being selfless has been tough for me lately because I think I get too caught up in my own stress and problems.  I find myself loosing my patience (which I’m working on/blogging about...) with the people around me and the people I love the most because I get too caught up in my “other world”--which consists of school & internship.  Lately, I have this constant feeling that my needs are imperative and I’m having a hard time getting them off my mind long enough to consider what other people want. I think it’s in human nature to do what we think will make us happy. I fixate myself on little goals like rushing everywhere (even if it means cutting someone off), and not taking my time on homework.  Oops.  
Here are some things that I would like to challenge my selfish instincts:
1.) I have to ask myself: “What would the person I want to be, do?” 
Well, I remind myself that I want to be a good person and that I’m working my way to being a good therapist, which I would consider being a selfless job.  
2.) I think about what’s going on with the people around me.  
What do I mean by this?  I mean triggers and the whole “I’m gonna get them back” attitude.  What if there is something seriously wrong with the person in front of me, behind me ect... did they have a bad day?  Do they have cancer?  Is that why they are acting like this?  If I empathized about how they felt, I think I’d be less likely to be demanding about my own way. 
3.) What will the “future me” think?
Will I be able to look back and think of myself as a good person, or a cold hearted bitch?   I want to be proud of who I am and who I was and I don’t want to look back and dwell about the mistakes I made when I couldn’t fight my selfish instinct. Dwelling on the past is already a huge issue of mine and I want to try and better myself, well...for the better.  
4.) I want to renew someone’s faith in people. 
There are a lot of people and a lot of kids in this world who think that no one cares about anyone but themselves.  It’s a really sad thing, and it really saddens me that people have been so hurt that they’ve written everyone else off.  I’d like to make a person question whether it’s possible for people to redeem themselves by showing more consideration. 
          I believe that everyone cares, even if it is just a little bit and some people think that’s naive.  I would like to try my best to prove people wrong by caring and showing it, even if it is hard.  
Well, cheers to having a little more selfless and a little less selfish life! 

2 comments:

  1. My feelings exactly. For real.

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  2. You are awesome. More people would do well to be so self aware. Takes a lot of guts and self-confidence to put it out there. Good for you.

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